Letter to myself, or things I wish I'd known 5 years ago.

To the sweet, insecure high school freshman who still lives inside of me somewhere,

Congratulations, you made it! Well. You didn't make it make it (that's not for another 8-9 years or so when you get that degree), but you've gotten to a rather vital point in your life. You made it through the ridiculous preteen/junior high years full of torment and frustration over the best friend you had who you knew you could never be. You made it through the parties, the field trips, and those one or two little school dances decorated with crepe paper... But guess what! There are still plenty more to come. Welcome to the snakepit that is high school, and congratulations for making it out mildly unscathed. This year is going to be rough. But guess what? You can handle it. Because one of the best people you'll ever meet is on their way. ;-)

Love, 19-Year-Old Me


Dear 15-Year-Old Self,

So, what did you think? High school really isn't like the movies, now is it? But you've found your place... Good for you! If memory serves (which i know it does because this was only 4 years ago), you’re not very popular… In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s an understatement. You have like, one friend. Maybe. Part of the reason might be because you’re running around with your iPod on listening to a show tunes playlist on repeat. So you're down to approximately one best friend with whom you'll spend a good majority of your time with because the last three didn't feel like putting up with you. But alas, a sweet sincere senior will be adopting you quite soon, and she will be teaching you the ways of the world. That blonde boy you were head over heels for two summers in a row? Gay. That girl you thought you could trust with everything? Two-faced (and eventually, she goes downhill, but you'll help her out later). Changes are rapidly approaching, but you'll get by with a little help from your friends.

Best wishes,
19-Year-Old You


Dear Awkward Girl Who Transferred From the High School on the Other Side of Town Her Junior Year in Search of "Something Better",

What's your deal? Why are you being this shy girl with no interest in making friends? Oh yeah, because that's how you think you're going to make them. By being mysterious. Well my dear, let me just tell you that that doesn't work the way you would have liked it to. After 16 years of people telling you to shut up, you definitely picked the wrong time. But let's get serious here. You're pursuing a real relationship with this God guy. You're less likely to fake sick when being woken up for church on Sundays, and you're even paying some kind of attention in your religious education class (although you're not too sure how you feel about it all...). So let's get some things straight here: you are worthy. Of love, of friendship, and of all the goodness that surrounds you that you just can't see yet. So please, get yourself out of this dark hole that you've dug yourself into and see His marvelous light. Also, you're getting kind of good at that speech thing that you're doing. So keep that up.

Much love,
College-aged self


Dear Hot Shot Senior,
Now we're getting somewhere. You've pushed through these past three years, and now you're on top. You're good at what you do, but your head is about to get huge, so calm it down.
Keep pursuing this relationship you're in. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about some boy, but a man who died for you and for your sins! You are so loved by Him, and I wish you could've realized it sooner. Everything is falling perfectly into place, although you have to wait awhile. Patience is a virtue, my darling, and yours will be greatly rewarded. Hang in there.
Your love for others will get taken advantage of, especially when it comes to you-know-who. He is funny, and great, and tells you nice things, but you cannot put a guy before God right now. But trust me, you will be SO grateful that He never allowed you to date anyone who you went to high school with.
Focus all that energy on loving others and being a disciple of Jesus Christ. So many good things are ahead of you in these next few years. So be prepared.

You’ll be found by His mercy and transformed by His grace and you will never be the same.

Be faithful, and never stop praying. I'll see you in another 5 years.

With love, and minimal regrets,
College sophomore version of you

This is the sound of the hearts You've set free.

More than a month later, and I am still crying to Jesus for Rise 2012 and the incredible summer that He blessed me with... Sorry. It's not my fault that He made my heart so (secretly) soft! Besides being head over heels for all of the beautiful brothers and sisters that have entered my life recently, I'm also kind of even enjoying school... Is this real life? Yep! Priorities have been changed (after talking about it for so long, I decided that it was finally time to, you know, DO it). School and my continually growing relationship with Jesus Christ are really my only concerns right now. That being said, my relationship with Christ is also growing through others, which is something that I've never been able to experience before, but I am loving it!

It means a lot for me to type these next few words, but I mean them so so genuinely: I have never been happier with my life than I am right now. I am surrounded by an incredible community of people who love & care about me, and for the first time in a very long time, I no longer feel like a burden. I don't feel like I'm a waste of space or like I'm somewhere where people don't want me around.

God's intentions for me are so clear. He has placed me at Texas State for a reason. My heart is so excited for everything that is coming up this semester, but I don't want to ruin it by blurting it out right now, soooooo you'll have to wait just a bit. :-)

Pray on, my beautiful friends. And remember: you did not choose Him, but He chose you. He has called us to bear fruit that will last, and nothing will last unless it is tended to!

Xx,
Marissa