It's not what I asked for, but it's what I got.

And I am pretty pleased with it. And the parts that I'm not so pleased with? I'm dealing with them, and learning from them.

I didn't ask to be thrown into this weird situation, yet here I am, overthinking and meticulously analyzing every aspect of what's happened. But I also didn't ask for two incredibly caring individuals (you know, outside of my parents) who would do anything to keep me from driving myself insane... Yet, here they are, gracing me with their presence.

I came to college looking for all the wrong things. I wanted to be a completely different version of myself than I'd ever been before. But no. That was not an option.

Somehow, I remained the same loud, over-the-top girl that I've always been. And for awhile, I was okay with it. For most of my life, I'd gone from 0 to 60 in about 7 seconds flat. Some people were intrigued by it while others were just scared.

Some recent happenings in my life have caused me to question why I didn't change when I had the chance. What made me want to remain that over dramatic girl who exaggerated stories to make herself sound like a way more interesting person?

The fact that no one had stopped me. No one had told me that what I was doing was wrong. But when they finally did, it hurt.

I had to ask God if He was being serious. I mean, come on. Another curveball? It'd been a rough semester, and now this? Now I had to question my every move and censor my every word for the fear of being judged, even in places where I should've felt safe.

But that's the funny thing about life. You're never really "safe".

So no. This isn't what I asked for. I'm thinking way more than I'd like to. I'm worrying when I shouldn't be and I'm wondering why I've been brought to all of this in the first place.

But I'm working on it. Day by day, I'm realizing that things could be a hell of a lot worse than they are. So I could end this by saying that I'm better than all of this, but I'm not. I'm stubborn, and frankly, I'm kind of angry. I wasn't at first, but now... I am. But it's okay. I can be unhappy for a little while, and the world will go on. Somehow, the people who've loved me keep on doing so. And this is for them.