Spring, sprang, sprung.

Scientifically speaking, spring is the season of love. There are birds chirping, bees buzzing, flowers blooming, proposal after proposal is occurring, and dopamine levels are high. We become love junkies; I can attest to this. (May has always seemed to be a particularly boy-crazed month for me). So how is one supposed to deal with all of this mushy-gushy love stuff when they feel so stranded and alone?

I've felt many emotions in regard to singleness over the past several years, from being a young teenager to now venturing into my 20's: anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration, impatience, you name it.  I have been strictly and completely single for all 20 years of my life. I've never been on a date, and I have never been pursued (not that has been clearly stated to me anyway). But over the past year, what I've most felt towards singleness has been a deep contentment. I've experienced that kind of contentment that I can’t produce or manifest on my own. True contentment. No meltdowns, even finding nothing but pure joy in others' blessings. A deep sense of truly knowing and believing that God knows what He is doing. What’s changed? In a nutshell: what I've focused on has changed. My heart has changed infinitely in the past year. I am growing. I am sinning. I am failing forward. I am made new in Him, and am completely redeemed.

We must trust that God is in control of our lives. He has not forgotten about us. He is a Father that knows what is best in our lives. Our identity is not found in marital status or a relationship status, but rather our identity is found in Christ.

I am heartbroken to see my sisters finding their identity in their singleness. The Lord did not create you to be a woman in mourning of her own love life. In fact, Psalms clearly states for us how precious each of us are to Him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,    I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

As Christians, our desire should be to walk closer to the Lord, but in our trying to achieve this, sometimes we find ourselves looking only at the sin in our lives. The lustful desires that we've found ourselves falling into, harboring hatred and jealousy towards our sisters and allowing ourselves to no longer guard our hearts.

If there is anything that I've learned this past year, specifically in the last four months or so, it has been to strictly view my brothers as brothers. I have too often met wonderful charming men of Christ in my past, and found my mind going straight to the last question that I should have been asking myself: "Hmmm, I wonder if he is single?". Ladies, the reality of it is this: be friends with men. Build bonds and relationships. Learn from your brothers. Christ did not design us to strictly confine our relationships with our sisters. But be safe in doing so. Easier said than done, don't allow lines to be blurred. Take precautions:

• Know your boundaries. Unless it's on a date, and both of you know that you're on a date, it's probably not best to be hanging out one-on-one. 
• Refrain from intimate contact. The last thing that you want on your mind is wondering what exactly that slight brush of his hand against yours meant. I should know, I've been there countless times. (And a heads-up: it's probably nothing)
• Don't overthink your interaction with them. Take everything with a grain of salt. If a man is seeking to pursue you, and is doing so in the way that God intended him to, you will know.
• Seek solace in your sisters. Not only am I a huge fan of alliteration, I'm a huge fan of strengthening bonds with the same sex. There are many hard-wiring differences between men & women. God created us uniquely, but both in His image. But let's be honest, you're not going to what to seek prayer & consultation about a man in your life who is becoming a stumbling block from some dude. Your sisters are here for a reason, and all of them, single and committed, are there to help you through those tough times.
• *Edit: So you like a guy, but he's not pursuing you. If your feelings for him are consuming your thoughts and hindering your actions, you need to take steps in alleviating the situation. It is important to be vulnerable and transparent with people. If you don't sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, your mind is going to be continually flooded with thoughts of him and "what it could be". (Again, I only say this because I've been there.) Be honest with him. If you feel as though he's treating you differently than other girls, you need to let him know that that is not okay, and that you need his help in keeping your heart guarded until the right man comes along.

So my encouragement to you, singles, is to take your eyes off of yourself and focus on Christ. Instead of allowing myself to be defined a single, I've learned to define myself as a woman whom the Lord has blessed in being free of a relationship as a gift of more time to grow in Him. As I've done that, I truly find myself more content and able to enjoy other’s blessings. Heck, I'm even excited for some of them. I’m not drowning in my own sorrows and I’m able to see needs of others and want to serve. I’m freed up from feeling defined by the reality that the only hardware on my left finger is a promise ring.

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

I faced 2012 with a heart unwilling to love and with ears unwilling to hear what I was being told. Six months of struggle was more than I could handle before I decided that I was done. I fought for myself and no one else, but I still kept in mind the grace of God. I figured that as long as I was obedient, misery would finally step aside in my life. I went to church, I volunteered with a youth group, I went to summer school, I got good grades, I babysat, I called my parents on a regular basis, I ate well, I worked out, and I did the exact opposite of what most college students do during the summer: I sat at home, sober on my Friday/Saturday nights, reading my plethora of John Green books and watching all ten seasons of Friends (a minor feat in itself). Behaving should have paid off soon enough, right?

Wrong.

See, that's not how God works. I'm quickly learning that I'm not in a payback kind of relationship with Him. None of us are at a place where we can try to wheel and deal with God, place bets, and do what we think is right because we think that we'll get something out of it. Because I did it all, and all I got out of it was a miserable summer with no fun, and no friends. I'd like to tell you that it was worth it all, and that everything magically turned around when school started, but then I'd be lying to you. It sucked. Granted, somewhere along the line, the Lord offered me a change of heart, and I made a decision that I had never seen in my future, but it turned out to be the best decision I made all year.

I had plans. I was going to continue life the way I had my freshman year, loving Jesus, seeking a social life, and hanging out with other people who felt the same way, but when the Shift occurred, the steps that I was taking to get to my ultimate destination became a lot more achievable. I was no longer jumping through hoops to please people, nor was I in a waging war with my God (seriously... what on Earth was I thinking?), but I was in a healthy relationship with Him and even people around me (yes, friends! I'd finally made those darn friends that I'd been seeking for so long).

Like most of these stories, it doesn't end there. I was pushed even further to break out beyond my "Christian bubble" (something that I've still yet to do), and live missionally with those who may or may not be believers in the Lord. Wait. What? I'm supposed to leave my comfortable environment where I'm surrounded by people who encourage me to read my Bible, and pray, and to continue my walk with the Lord? What do you mean that I'm supposed to leave this world of safety and security?

Oh yeah. It means that I'm supposed to go and follow the rules that Jesus wrote for us a really long time ago.

"Go, therefore and make disciples of all nations." Matthew 28:19

Here I am, God. Send me out. Teach me to live in a world of discomfort, and ultimately seek You in all that I do. I have my plans, Lord. Determine my steps. Take me there.