Spring, sprang, sprung.

Scientifically speaking, spring is the season of love. There are birds chirping, bees buzzing, flowers blooming, proposal after proposal is occurring, and dopamine levels are high. We become love junkies; I can attest to this. (May has always seemed to be a particularly boy-crazed month for me). So how is one supposed to deal with all of this mushy-gushy love stuff when they feel so stranded and alone?

I've felt many emotions in regard to singleness over the past several years, from being a young teenager to now venturing into my 20's: anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration, impatience, you name it.  I have been strictly and completely single for all 20 years of my life. I've never been on a date, and I have never been pursued (not that has been clearly stated to me anyway). But over the past year, what I've most felt towards singleness has been a deep contentment. I've experienced that kind of contentment that I can’t produce or manifest on my own. True contentment. No meltdowns, even finding nothing but pure joy in others' blessings. A deep sense of truly knowing and believing that God knows what He is doing. What’s changed? In a nutshell: what I've focused on has changed. My heart has changed infinitely in the past year. I am growing. I am sinning. I am failing forward. I am made new in Him, and am completely redeemed.

We must trust that God is in control of our lives. He has not forgotten about us. He is a Father that knows what is best in our lives. Our identity is not found in marital status or a relationship status, but rather our identity is found in Christ.

I am heartbroken to see my sisters finding their identity in their singleness. The Lord did not create you to be a woman in mourning of her own love life. In fact, Psalms clearly states for us how precious each of us are to Him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,    I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

As Christians, our desire should be to walk closer to the Lord, but in our trying to achieve this, sometimes we find ourselves looking only at the sin in our lives. The lustful desires that we've found ourselves falling into, harboring hatred and jealousy towards our sisters and allowing ourselves to no longer guard our hearts.

If there is anything that I've learned this past year, specifically in the last four months or so, it has been to strictly view my brothers as brothers. I have too often met wonderful charming men of Christ in my past, and found my mind going straight to the last question that I should have been asking myself: "Hmmm, I wonder if he is single?". Ladies, the reality of it is this: be friends with men. Build bonds and relationships. Learn from your brothers. Christ did not design us to strictly confine our relationships with our sisters. But be safe in doing so. Easier said than done, don't allow lines to be blurred. Take precautions:

• Know your boundaries. Unless it's on a date, and both of you know that you're on a date, it's probably not best to be hanging out one-on-one. 
• Refrain from intimate contact. The last thing that you want on your mind is wondering what exactly that slight brush of his hand against yours meant. I should know, I've been there countless times. (And a heads-up: it's probably nothing)
• Don't overthink your interaction with them. Take everything with a grain of salt. If a man is seeking to pursue you, and is doing so in the way that God intended him to, you will know.
• Seek solace in your sisters. Not only am I a huge fan of alliteration, I'm a huge fan of strengthening bonds with the same sex. There are many hard-wiring differences between men & women. God created us uniquely, but both in His image. But let's be honest, you're not going to what to seek prayer & consultation about a man in your life who is becoming a stumbling block from some dude. Your sisters are here for a reason, and all of them, single and committed, are there to help you through those tough times.
• *Edit: So you like a guy, but he's not pursuing you. If your feelings for him are consuming your thoughts and hindering your actions, you need to take steps in alleviating the situation. It is important to be vulnerable and transparent with people. If you don't sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, your mind is going to be continually flooded with thoughts of him and "what it could be". (Again, I only say this because I've been there.) Be honest with him. If you feel as though he's treating you differently than other girls, you need to let him know that that is not okay, and that you need his help in keeping your heart guarded until the right man comes along.

So my encouragement to you, singles, is to take your eyes off of yourself and focus on Christ. Instead of allowing myself to be defined a single, I've learned to define myself as a woman whom the Lord has blessed in being free of a relationship as a gift of more time to grow in Him. As I've done that, I truly find myself more content and able to enjoy other’s blessings. Heck, I'm even excited for some of them. I’m not drowning in my own sorrows and I’m able to see needs of others and want to serve. I’m freed up from feeling defined by the reality that the only hardware on my left finger is a promise ring.