You can't rid the world of sorrow, but you can choose to live in joy.

Sorrow is with us not because we are bad at stopping it, but because it's part of being human. To rid the world of sorrow would be to make this world a perfect place. If there were no pain, how would we ever experience pure joy? We often take for granted the fact that our biggest concerns in life don't really make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things. Your boyfriend may have dumped you, or someone may have called you out for something that you said or did a long time ago. To quote Kelly Clarkson, Kayne West, and I'm sure a bunch of other people, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". 


Living in fear and pain can break you. As children of God, as brothers and sisters, and most importantly, as human beings, to live broken would limit you to do what you've been brought here to do. It's like clipping a bird of its wings. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around.Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. Unresolved for too long, you can almost forget why you were created to fly in the first place.


You were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around. Healing is possible. Loving, living, breathing, and being completely free of sorrow is possible.

Free yourself of pain, and refuse to be broken. We were created to love & live in joy. Refuse to be restricted, instead, live in flaws and your weaknesses. Deny your sorrows, and bask in your happiness.

It's not what I asked for, but it's what I got.

And I am pretty pleased with it. And the parts that I'm not so pleased with? I'm dealing with them, and learning from them.

I didn't ask to be thrown into this weird situation, yet here I am, overthinking and meticulously analyzing every aspect of what's happened. But I also didn't ask for two incredibly caring individuals (you know, outside of my parents) who would do anything to keep me from driving myself insane... Yet, here they are, gracing me with their presence.

I came to college looking for all the wrong things. I wanted to be a completely different version of myself than I'd ever been before. But no. That was not an option.

Somehow, I remained the same loud, over-the-top girl that I've always been. And for awhile, I was okay with it. For most of my life, I'd gone from 0 to 60 in about 7 seconds flat. Some people were intrigued by it while others were just scared.

Some recent happenings in my life have caused me to question why I didn't change when I had the chance. What made me want to remain that over dramatic girl who exaggerated stories to make herself sound like a way more interesting person?

The fact that no one had stopped me. No one had told me that what I was doing was wrong. But when they finally did, it hurt.

I had to ask God if He was being serious. I mean, come on. Another curveball? It'd been a rough semester, and now this? Now I had to question my every move and censor my every word for the fear of being judged, even in places where I should've felt safe.

But that's the funny thing about life. You're never really "safe".

So no. This isn't what I asked for. I'm thinking way more than I'd like to. I'm worrying when I shouldn't be and I'm wondering why I've been brought to all of this in the first place.

But I'm working on it. Day by day, I'm realizing that things could be a hell of a lot worse than they are. So I could end this by saying that I'm better than all of this, but I'm not. I'm stubborn, and frankly, I'm kind of angry. I wasn't at first, but now... I am. But it's okay. I can be unhappy for a little while, and the world will go on. Somehow, the people who've loved me keep on doing so. And this is for them.

Keep calm and pray on.

Long days call for short messages. Or, long weeks, to be more precise.

I'm emotionally and physically drained from this horrid mid-semester slump. Life's had it's minor pitfalls, but it's nothing that I can't handle, because I know that God won't throw that at me.

At tonight's meeting, we heard a devo about having faith as small as a mustard seed, and it was a nice reminder, because I'd forgotten all about having any faith at all. I'd completely forgotten about God's plan for me, and everything that happens in my life, so when He threw me a few curveballs, I was knocked right down. Thankfully, I had the right people around to pick me right back up again.

I've said it a million times before, but I'm so grateful for the people in my life. I'm loved, and I forget that a lot. I'm loved not despite my flaws, but because of them. And trust me, there are a lot of them. I'm far from perfect. I'm loud and I like attention and that doesn't bother me. I keep apologizing for my faults, but then I realize that there's nothing I can do to change them. I'm struggling everyday with trying to be a "better" person in other peoples' eyes, and I'm driving myself insane attempting to please them.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10


Then I remember that when I find myself in times of stress, doubt, and anxiety, all I have to do is keep calm and pray on.

-M

I know I still make mistakes, but You've got new mercies for me everyday.

So to be quite frank, I've been rather unpleasant to be around lately. I complain a lot and I don't really listen to what others have to say. When this semester began, I made a promise to myself that I'd stop complaining about things and actually do something to fix my problems. Well, I'm halfway through, and I still haven't really done that yet. So if you're reading this, I'm apologizing. Because it's not fun to be around someone who bitches perpetually (pardon my language). But I'm attempting to make some changes in my life. I'm reassessing & reprioritizing (yet again), and I'm hoping to make some real progress, but forgive me if I don't.

It took me awhile to realize how many people are on my side and to know that whatever I'm doing, I'm not doing alone. I've spent a lot of time worrying about people not liking me and that they're avoiding me when in reality, I'm probably pushing them away. I've said a million times that I'm done being alone, but hopefully this time it'll stick.

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Important words that I was blessed to read this evening. Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing, or where I'm going, but right now, I'm leaving it in the hands of God. Because, really, what other choice do we have?

Happiness is a baseball game with my favorite man in the world.

ΣΦΛ Dad's Day 2012. :)

I think I may be getting better at this whole "letting it go" thing.

A year to the date of a very important event in my life (February 26, to those of you who are curious), I went to church. And on this particular day in 2012, I received a message that was a direct punch in the face from God Himself. Not a demeaning pinch by any means, but a "Marissa, you've GOT to get over this" punch. Because the message in church that day (and I am quoting this DIRECTLY) was "Get Over It!". God did not build us to be easily crushed or broken hearted. He gave us a will strong enough to surpass any obstacles that He sent our way, and a heart overflowing with so much love that we couldn't help but want to love others, even when it meant hurting ourselves in the process.

I'm not the same person that I was a year ago. A year ago, I was pretty broken. I'll spare you all of the boring details. Long story short, I got too attached waaaayy too fast, and then they were gone, taking a lot of never-to-be-fulfilled promises with them. I was worried about whether or not I'd get into my one and only college of choice. And of course, competition season was at a high point, with TFA state, UIL of every name, shape, and form, the national qualifier, and the Tournament of Champions right around the corner. I was a hot mess.

And somehow I made it through just fine. Although I held a grudge against someone who'd hurt me, I went to state, and Nats, and the TOC, and I kicked as much ass as I could. I like to think of those as my glory days. Oh yeah, I got into college sometime during all of that too, do that was pretty cool.

And now here I am, a year later, far from being broken. Because you know what? It only took one year and a lot of pain, but I finally got over it. I'm allowing myself to understand that what happened was not a mistake. It was nothing but an obstacle that I eventually overcame, and it lead me to nothing but blessings. 2011 sucked a little bit. But 2012 is going pretty well, and I'm not complaining.

If you're reading this, I love you. Chances are, you are a reason that I've finally decided get over it.

And to the rest of the world: letting go is not easy. It could take a year. It could take 5 or 10 or 15. But trust me. It's completely worth it.