Oh hey there 2013.

Welp. Two months into the new year, I figure it's time for a new post. Especially considering that I started this blog exactly one year (!!!!!) ago yesterday. For starters, I've given myself a few projects for the year, including, but not limited to:

• One photo per day, for the general public/social media community. This year, I resolved to be a more consistent person (in a number of things), as well as resolving to seek out change and growth (as per usual).
• Reading my Bible more (duh).
• Studying doctrine of the Christian faith, which kind of ties in with reading the Good Book some more. Okay, not kind of. It has everything to do with it. This was also not an idea of my own brain, but of the wonderful brain of Kelsey Kite Nelson, whom I absolutely adore. Most of this is to reach my personal goal of being able to intelligently and diligently defend my faith and my belief system with something other than "Uhm, you know, Jesus is like, pretty cool and stuff". Which duh. I think that He is, but not everybody feels that way.
• Continue to grow on a daily basis and fail forward (one of my new favorite phrases). Make mistakes and learn from them. Do the wrong thing. Remember how bountiful God's grace is and how sufficient His love is, and don't deny yourself of that.

Reflecting on where I was a year ago (trying to be positive, but having that ugly, deep-down, 7th grade poetry-writing feeling in my stomach) and thinking of where I am now (happier than I have ever been), I've learned the importance of seasons. Not just like spring, summer, fall, and winter, because God knows that those don't exist in Texas, but personal seasons of experience. As miserable as I was at that point in my life, I wouldn't go back and change it for anything in the world, because a series of very fortunate events (see what I did there?) lead me to where I am today: serving the Lord with fear, trembling, and the strongest desire to change; leading in ways that I never thought would be possible; planning the next few years of my life with some kind of certainty; and legitimately enjoying everyday that passes. I hate to be cheesy and cliche, but a lot of it is thanks to these lovely people right here:

My best friends and future roommates. They hold me accountable, tell me to shut up when necessary, and love me so unconditionally. Whenever I feel like God's plan for me is going the wrong way, they keep me centered.

These ridiculous fellas right here are another huge part of my support system. The big brothers that I never had (or wanted for that matter) who drive me absolutely insane on a regular basis, but who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

This general group of individuals have my entire heart and nothing less. It is within Cru that I've discovered my self-worth, my gifts, and how to love at all times. Living on a mission with them has been such an experience that I can't wait to continue growing in.

I realize that these posts may seem redundant.

But that's only because they are.

But a few more major points in my life:

• I was asked to be the godmother of my best friend's child. I have laughed and cried with her for the past five years, and she is the most consistent person that I've ever had in my life, and I can't wait to be a figure in this child's life.
• I know that I'm in the right major. My heart for serving the public school system and showing Christ's love to kids is a gift that I'll never take for granted.
• My GPA is no longer significantly lower than your average gas prices.
• My roommates and I are house searching... and hopefully will be signing. Soon!

I could honestly go on and on about how abundant God's love and grace are in my life, but your eyes would probably bleed, so you might as well ask me in person. I love to talk. But you should know that.

Pray on, ladies & gents.

2012 in a nutshell.

As a tribute to every single cheesy VH1 countdown ever, I've decided to take the time to share with you all ten amazing moments of 2012 (in no particular order).

To all of the people that I've met in the past year--I give you my heart. You all have a special place in it.
________________________________________________________________________

1. God's promise of a future and the plans that He had in store for me being solidified in my Wok & Roll fortune cookie.
There is surely a hope for you, and that hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 23:18

2. One (of many) days that I spent at the river with my roommate last spring. The first real day of spring; a break that I desperately needed.

3. Summer 2012--a time of a LOT of personal growth, understanding, and most importantly, an understanding of how loved I am by my friends, my family, and my Father.

4. RISE 2012! I got to meet some of the sweetest, most wonderful girls who I am so happy to call my sisters during this weekend. 

5. Meeting, and bonding with, this incredibly lady in my life. Someone through whom I have learned about love, perseverance, and finding peace within myself.

6. Any and every moment with any combination of these people. First group dinner of the year. Long live the BCG crew, the best group of friends that anyone could ask for.

7. Fall Getaway 2012! The weekend that I found my ministry, and the people that I'm blessed and humbled to be surrounded by. An awesome time of learning, growing, and understanding that our faults are not what define us, but pave the way to becoming the better person that we are destined to be.

8. First picture with my soulmate, a girl I know that I can count on for anything. Who knew that a math class would bring to girls together so closely, and help me redefine my relationship with Christ, as well as other people, whether she knows it or not. I am so excited to continue growing and sharing life with her!

9. The decision to be a part of the Rise staff for a second year in a row was not an easy one to make, but I am so thrilled that I get to serve the Lord as well as the freshman/transfer class of 2013 next summer. I am so excited to get to know our staff members in the spring and form relationships with my brothers and sisters that I haven't even met yet!

10. And last, but not least, the decision to live with these girls in the fall. I don't know how or why God decided to put us together, but living with them is going to be SO MUCH FUN! I am so blessed to be surrounded by awesome sisters who are committing their lives to Jesus, growing, and learning right along with me. Our prayers for the fall are already being lifted up to God, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for this group of girls and the people who we serve within our home! :)

From tearing my hair out, to falling on my knees, to lifting my hands up high, 2012 has been a year for the books. I can only pray that 2013 brings about as much growth and change as this year then. Because I am so ready.

1:07 am seems as good a time is any.

After a few days of procrastinating, cleaning, and packing (mostly procrastinating), it's finally done. I am finally packed and ready to head back to the 956 tomorrow. Now that I don't have a million and one things to do, I've finally been able to take some much needed extensive quiet time to talk with my Daddy Jesus. Doing this has caused me to reflect on the past 6+ months of my life, and how much it has changed. Drastically, I might add.

Seeing as how it's the end of the year, lists are abundant, as well as recaps. So here is 2012 in its cracked little nutshell. Let's look back, shall we? I'll make this quick. After a few months of literally having force myself to write words that were deemed "happy", "positive", and "grateful", I was exhausted from having been alone, tired, and afraid of what my future had in store for me. My grades were borderline probationary. I lived in San Marcos for my first summer away from home. And I was completely alone. Then came the beautiful month of August, where everything turned around. I got to meet these amazing people.

Rise 2012 has been one of the biggest blessings in my life by far. It was an incredible way for my eyes to be opened to the plans that the Lord had for me this semester. The relationships that I made that weekend are the strongest ones that I have today. Something inside of me changed over that span of 4 days. I came back to school a month later more eager than ever. Lacking a campus ministry, I was worried about where I was supposed to be, but six weeks into the semester, everything settled itself. I now have the best support system that anyone could ever ask for. That's where these people come in.

I am quite literally the happiest that I've ever been. I ran into one of my pledge sisters a few weeks ago, and she told me that I was "glowing". I'd never received a compliment like that before, and it was just another one of the tiny things that happened to me that reminded me of the greatness of Christ's love for each and every one of us. I am finally enjoying the life that the Lord made for me, rejoicing in His mercies, and teaching myself to love unconditionally. My goals have included becoming more transparent, more approachable, and more loving towards my brothers and sisters, all anxieties cast aside. 

For those of you who have walked along side me on this part of my journey, I give you my whole heart. Amazing things have happened to it this semester, and there's something inside of me that just keeps going. 

It's been a year of ups and downs, but I am forever blessed that it is ending on a high note. Goodbye 2012. And 2013... get ready.

first john four twelve?

"No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us, and His love is made complete in us."

Everything I've been searching for came to me in a SoulRev message today (for those of you with these great phones that do everything but cook dinner... DOWNLOAD IT NOW! It's fantastic, and helps you keep your heart & mind on the right track.)

Should I have been a "good Christian" and already known of this verse's existence? Oh, absolutely. But to be completely honest, I'm still trying to get this whole thing down.

The Bible is such a cool book, and I'm only just discovering this. It's provided me with so many answers these past few months that I never would have found otherwise.

So as per my typical late night rambles of happiness, goodness, and the love of Jesus Christ, I bid each of you all wonderful days/weeks/months/years (cue Friends theme song... Clap clap clap clap.) There's a lot more that I want to share with the world, but were all just going to have to wait.

Xx,
Marissa

October schmoctober.

There's a change in your heart when you finally stop searching for something or someone to serve you and pour into you, and when you actually begin serving and pouring into others. My heart has been so overwhelmed these past few months, and I can't wait to continue pursuing all of these opportunities that God has blessed me with to further continue serving His Kingdom.

I am absolutely head over heels for the people who are surrounding me right now, especially a few girls in particular whom I've been able to love and pour into. Up until a few weeks ago, I was so persistent upon finding a ministry, and more importantly I was focused on what would be good for ME. Where would I go that would help ME? What would benefit ME? Where would I feel comfortable, where would there be enough friends for ME? Me me me me me. I think we can all see what the problem was here.

Long story short, God graciously guided me to the right place, and the right people, and I couldn't be happier with where I am. Stress-free, surrounded by goodness, and constantly in the presence of incredible men & women of God, this semester has already been one for the books.

I am here for a reason, and now I'm just seeking the different ways to fulfill it.

Letter to myself, or things I wish I'd known 5 years ago.

To the sweet, insecure high school freshman who still lives inside of me somewhere,

Congratulations, you made it! Well. You didn't make it make it (that's not for another 8-9 years or so when you get that degree), but you've gotten to a rather vital point in your life. You made it through the ridiculous preteen/junior high years full of torment and frustration over the best friend you had who you knew you could never be. You made it through the parties, the field trips, and those one or two little school dances decorated with crepe paper... But guess what! There are still plenty more to come. Welcome to the snakepit that is high school, and congratulations for making it out mildly unscathed. This year is going to be rough. But guess what? You can handle it. Because one of the best people you'll ever meet is on their way. ;-)

Love, 19-Year-Old Me


Dear 15-Year-Old Self,

So, what did you think? High school really isn't like the movies, now is it? But you've found your place... Good for you! If memory serves (which i know it does because this was only 4 years ago), you’re not very popular… In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s an understatement. You have like, one friend. Maybe. Part of the reason might be because you’re running around with your iPod on listening to a show tunes playlist on repeat. So you're down to approximately one best friend with whom you'll spend a good majority of your time with because the last three didn't feel like putting up with you. But alas, a sweet sincere senior will be adopting you quite soon, and she will be teaching you the ways of the world. That blonde boy you were head over heels for two summers in a row? Gay. That girl you thought you could trust with everything? Two-faced (and eventually, she goes downhill, but you'll help her out later). Changes are rapidly approaching, but you'll get by with a little help from your friends.

Best wishes,
19-Year-Old You


Dear Awkward Girl Who Transferred From the High School on the Other Side of Town Her Junior Year in Search of "Something Better",

What's your deal? Why are you being this shy girl with no interest in making friends? Oh yeah, because that's how you think you're going to make them. By being mysterious. Well my dear, let me just tell you that that doesn't work the way you would have liked it to. After 16 years of people telling you to shut up, you definitely picked the wrong time. But let's get serious here. You're pursuing a real relationship with this God guy. You're less likely to fake sick when being woken up for church on Sundays, and you're even paying some kind of attention in your religious education class (although you're not too sure how you feel about it all...). So let's get some things straight here: you are worthy. Of love, of friendship, and of all the goodness that surrounds you that you just can't see yet. So please, get yourself out of this dark hole that you've dug yourself into and see His marvelous light. Also, you're getting kind of good at that speech thing that you're doing. So keep that up.

Much love,
College-aged self


Dear Hot Shot Senior,
Now we're getting somewhere. You've pushed through these past three years, and now you're on top. You're good at what you do, but your head is about to get huge, so calm it down.
Keep pursuing this relationship you're in. Unfortunately, I'm not talking about some boy, but a man who died for you and for your sins! You are so loved by Him, and I wish you could've realized it sooner. Everything is falling perfectly into place, although you have to wait awhile. Patience is a virtue, my darling, and yours will be greatly rewarded. Hang in there.
Your love for others will get taken advantage of, especially when it comes to you-know-who. He is funny, and great, and tells you nice things, but you cannot put a guy before God right now. But trust me, you will be SO grateful that He never allowed you to date anyone who you went to high school with.
Focus all that energy on loving others and being a disciple of Jesus Christ. So many good things are ahead of you in these next few years. So be prepared.

You’ll be found by His mercy and transformed by His grace and you will never be the same.

Be faithful, and never stop praying. I'll see you in another 5 years.

With love, and minimal regrets,
College sophomore version of you

This is the sound of the hearts You've set free.

More than a month later, and I am still crying to Jesus for Rise 2012 and the incredible summer that He blessed me with... Sorry. It's not my fault that He made my heart so (secretly) soft! Besides being head over heels for all of the beautiful brothers and sisters that have entered my life recently, I'm also kind of even enjoying school... Is this real life? Yep! Priorities have been changed (after talking about it for so long, I decided that it was finally time to, you know, DO it). School and my continually growing relationship with Jesus Christ are really my only concerns right now. That being said, my relationship with Christ is also growing through others, which is something that I've never been able to experience before, but I am loving it!

It means a lot for me to type these next few words, but I mean them so so genuinely: I have never been happier with my life than I am right now. I am surrounded by an incredible community of people who love & care about me, and for the first time in a very long time, I no longer feel like a burden. I don't feel like I'm a waste of space or like I'm somewhere where people don't want me around.

God's intentions for me are so clear. He has placed me at Texas State for a reason. My heart is so excited for everything that is coming up this semester, but I don't want to ruin it by blurting it out right now, soooooo you'll have to wait just a bit. :-)

Pray on, my beautiful friends. And remember: you did not choose Him, but He chose you. He has called us to bear fruit that will last, and nothing will last unless it is tended to!

Xx,
Marissa