Fearfully & wonderfully made

After many years of avoiding the little things in life, I've recently started to (kind of) learn how to slow down. Taking a deep breath every once in awhile, and reminding myself that "everything is going to be okay" have become part of my daily activity. When I feel too much stress; like the world is on my shoulders, I stop wherever I am (and mind you, this can often be the quad, a classroom, or even in the bathroom..kidding), take a breath and remind myself of all the beautiful people in my life.

Which leads me to ask myself a question that I hear from a friend a few weeks ago. How do I know that I'm not just surrounded by ordinary people whom I've found the beauty in? A simple enough question, right? Wrong. Insert obnoxious buzzer noise here. I've taken this all into much consideration and come to a fairly sufficient conclusion: we all have something beautiful about us. And not the stereotypical, Hollywood-esque idea of beauty, but the beauty that the Lord truly intended for us to possess. I like to look to Proverbs for this idea of beauty (as most people do) and one of my favorite scriptures comes to mind:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

True enough a statement, it can be translated to any gender. Man or woman, you can be charming, yet completely deceitful, beautiful on the outside, but hideous on the inside, but if you are a man or woman of the Lord, you are to be praised. 

Finding the beauty in people is like that itch that you can't scratch. I wish I could come up with a prettier-sounding metaphor, but for now, this is the best that I've got. You know that it's there, and you're dying to find it, but searching for it is taking so long that you feel like it might be a waste of time. Needless to say, giving up on someone's beauty is never an option.

It took awhile, but I was able to find the beauty in a few very important people in my life. But in all honesty, I don't think that I even started searching for it until they found the beauty in me.

So maybe you can be fooled by a smile, or even the occasional moment of chivalry offered by the cute guy in your bio class. Or maybe it's even that nice Christian girl who you met at your youth group who invited you church and never talked to you again. Flawed, we are all still built to be perfectly imperfect.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14

So stop for a minute and take that deep breath of fresh air. Take a look around because the beauty that God created is everywhere.

-M

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I really can't stand it when people purposely seek the bad in others. I've been blessed to meet a lot of really awesome individuals over the past few months, and I wouldn't get rid of any of them. Okay, that's a lie. I'd totally get rid of the ones that piss me off, but only for the sake of my own sanity.

But that's besides the point.

My point is, why do we always have to seek the wrongs in people? I can personally say that I'm a very love-y person. I love to love others. I really do. Faults are never really obvious to me, but that's mostly because I tend to be super oblivious to, well, life in general. An even bigger peeve of mine is when someone introduces me to someone else (whether it be a really good friend, or even a mere acquaintance whom they only awkwardly smile at when necessary), and as soon as we're no longer around them, they spout off their 1000 Reasons to Hate (Insert Name Here). I live for first impressions, and the impressions that I get of people are almost always good. I love seeing the good in everyone, because I feel as though it's something that is vastly underrated. I could go on and on about the flaws of my friends, and my family, and even random people that I don't really care for, but then I'd just be wasting a whole lot of precious time that could be spent doing a plethora of other things. Rather, I try to pinpoint the good qualities in each and every person I meet. That doesn't mean that I'm best friends with everyone, nor do I necessarily tolerate everyone, but I'm usually pretty good about forming my own personal opinions of people... until it comes to what someone else has to say.

I'm very simple=minded, and my thoughts can often be construed by the right people using the right words. My opinion of someone who I previously really enjoyed being around can take a complete 180 if you tell me all of the things that I don't want to hear. Maybe it's silly and naive, but I let people get the best of me, and I allow myself to be manipulated. It's an awful quality, but it goes back to that whole "seeing the good in others" thing. I like people so much, and I trust them so much that I think that every person I meet is telling me the truth, even when it contradicts someone else's views completely... even my own.

God put each of us on this planet to do something. Whether we agree with what someone else was sent here to do or not, tolerance (and even more importantly acceptance) is seriously key. And I think it's about time that we started respecting everyone's purpose.

Pray on, my friends.

-M

Blessings.

Count your blessings, but first realize what they are.

I finally got some time to slow down this weekend. After helping a friend out with a youth lock-in on Friday night, we came back early Saturday afternoon, and I was finally able to catch up on some much-needed rest. I have taken today as a mental health day that consisted of some geography-studying, watching GRΣΣK on Netflix (if you are in college, and you haven't seen this series, then shame on you. It is wonderful), enjoying the Girl Scout cookies that my mom brought me last weekend, and endlessly listening to the Passion 2011 CD (another thing that you should really check out if you haven't done so already. More good stuff). In between all of these ridiculously time-consuming endeavors (ha), I found my mind wandering off in a million different directions that lead me to one solid conclusion: I am an incredibly blessed individual. Seriously. Literally the first thought I had when I woke up this morning was, "I made it to today. If that's not something to be excited about, then I don't know what is." Don't ask me why I thought it (it's definitely not something that I think every morning. Guilty), but I did. This one thought, this one thing that came to my mind when I woke up this morning, stuck with me all day. 

I used to whine and complain about being alone all the time. Okay, I still do. A lot. I'm scared of being alone a lot of the time, and I really like to have people around me, but more than that, I like to be accepted. I don't know what it's been about this past week, but something inside of me has been bursting with excitement, and I think it's because I'm coming to some closure. I'm realizing that I AM NOT ALONE. I have good friends, an incredible family, and an equally awesome church home that I thank God everyday for bringing me to. If it weren't for the people that I've met at church and a lot of the relationships built through Phi Lamb, I'm not sure what kind of state that I'd be in. I get a lot of crap for being in a "Christian sorority" because there's this misconception that we're just a bunch of marriage-hungry girls who want to date the Christian frat guys. The way I see it, every college girl that you meet in your life is going to be excited about getting married... but let us please take into consideration that we've all been pretty stoked about marrying a man, wearing a pretty dress, and have had our bridesmaids picked out since we were about 5 years old. Same goes for dating and relationships and all of that nonsense. College girls want boyfriends. If we're pursuing a Christian relationship, narrowing it down to young men in a Christian organization just make it that much easier. 

But I'm totally missing the point of this post by ranting on and trying to justify myself, when such justification isn't necessary. 

I've met incredible people at Texas State. I'm here for a reason. To be totally honest, I'm not sure what that long-term reason is, but I know that I've met the people that are currently in my life for a reason. They may be here for a lifetime, or they could be here for a season or two, but I'm leaving that up to God. He's handed me many blessings, and now I think it's time to count them, one by one.

Enjoy your daily happenings, my lovely brothers and sisters. :)

I talk a good game.

But I never walk the walk. Yesterday, I went on and on about how God is telling me to slow down and that I really need to take his messages into consideration, but today, I blatantly disregarded everything I told myself. I rushed, and worried, and consumed myself in things that shouldn't be worried about. I was preoccupied by trivial things, and always found something to complain about. So yeah, it's cool that I can understand what's going on in my life, but if I can't initiate some kind of change, what difference does it make?

You're probably wondering why I'm writing this (if you're even reading this at all... and if you are, may God bless your wonderful soul) if all I'm really doing is preaching and repeating. To put things in the simplest terms possible, this blog is going to help me maintain my sanity, and hopefully accompany on my journey to finding some peace and quiet in this constantly moving, rarely silenced world. But to be quite honest, I am too damn stubborn to do any of that right now. Yes, I'm pleased with myself for figuring out (kind of?) what it is that God is trying to teach me right now, but I carry way too much pride to actually implement the changes I need to. This goes back to the whole "slowing it down" thing. It's clear that I need to take a break, but something inside of me can't handle that. The minute that my Friday clears up, I try to overbook myself with plans of helping out wherever I can and seeing everyone that I've been wanting to see, when in reality, I actually just need to lay down, take a nap, and (shocker) maybe actually study something.

I've been given the tools, the rule book, and the intelligence. So why can't I let go of my stubborn demeanor to put into play a few new life changes that'll probably be for the better?

Let me know if you figure it out.

Learning, growing, etc.

Marissa's Special Lesson of the Week is one that I'm having to dig deep for myself. I think it's got to do with this whole knee thing. Up until three days ago, I was used to being independent. Going where I needed to go, when I needed to go there. Being able to speed up my life when necessary. It's like this ailment is God's way of making me physically slow down. Because I have no other choice but to walk slowly and take everything in. And it sucks. I'm not a slow-down-and-take-it in kind of girl. I know where I'm going, and I get there fast. I don't make stops, and I don't take detours, and I definitely don't take the stairs the way I've been having to lately. But right now, I don't really have much of a choice.

The worst part about this for me is that there is no set end date. There's not a day that I can pinpoint in my planner and say, "Yep. That's the day that my knee will work again. That's the day that I'll be able to use the stairs at Alkek. That's the day I'll be able to speed up the pace when necessary. That's the day I'll have to stop begging for rides and assistance." I hate the unknown. I like having plans, and being able to see everything in plain sight.

So I'm learning. Learning about slowing down. Learning that by doing so, eventually I'll be able to see what it is that I need to grow. Because I'm growing. And changing. God, I am changing. This semester specifically (you know, the past six weeks) have been such a whirlwind for me. But I take joy in the fact that I can look at First Semester Marissa and see her flaws, her insecurities, and her never-ending fear of not knowing what was up ahead.

These past few weeks have been nothing short of never-ending blessings and perfect timing by the grace of God. My boss cut my hours significantly. I quit, and got hired at a new job the day that I left. My dislocated my kneecap on Sunday. Had I not left my job in Buda, I'd be having to find someone that would be willing to drive half an hour to get me to work at 6:30 every morning and driving another half hour to pick me up at 9:30. Not fun for anyone. Also, I'd still be working with 1-year-olds who cry and want to be held all day long. Not something that I am currently capable of.

While I could go on forever about how much my life sucks because of my limited mobility, I've decided that that would be a really big waste of time. Don't you worry though. I'll be doing my fair share of complaining. I wouldn't be doing this in typical Marissa fashion if I didn't whine about it... at least a little bit. Instead, I've chosen to accept the obstacles that God's sent my way, and no matter how long it takes, I'm going to learn from them, and grow. Because, really, what other options do we have?

Pray on my friends. There's something in store for all of us.

Hey there my wonderful brothers & sisters in Christ

I am currently in this very early mid-semester slump. My job has gone from perfect to disastrous to nonexistent to mediocre in a very short amount of time. My classes are boring me beyond any possible comprehension, and I have very little desire to attend them.  I'm questioning every choice that I'm making this semester, and to be quite frank, I'm physically tired. Now I know that this is beginning to sound the Whining Blog for Dummies, but I'm going somewhere with this. Trust me. 

God has placed me in some incredible places over the past few months. I've been blessed to become a part of the Sigma Phi Lambda sisterhood here at Texas State. I've met some of my best friends through this group, and I'm so pleased to call each and every one of them my sisters. Also, by the grace of God Himself, was accepted onto the Rise Retreat staff as a member of the prayer team. Don't ask me how or why, because I'm still trying to figure that out. I knew that I wanted to do a camp. And I knew that I wanted to be involved with every person's well-being. So when I ran into my friend Nickie, who happens to be this year's Prayer Exec, she managed to talk me into applying for a spot on the Prayer Team, which I'd never thought of doing. Long story short, I prayed about it, filled out my app, had my interview, and BAM. There I was, smackdab in the middle of 50+ people, scared out of my mind. But that's a story that I'll save for later. Last but not least, God somehow found this great church for me to be a part of the minute I got to college, and He allowed me to serve with their youth group. There are literally SO MANY amazing people who I've met at Gruene UMC that I can't even begin to express how freaking blessed I am to be allowed to call this place my new church home.

In addition to all of this, I have a newly acquired knee injury, due to nothing more than pure clumsiness and my blatant disregard towards rules, that had me in the ER on Sunday night. So on Monday, I frantically tried to find a place here in San Marcos that would take my insurance from back home, schedule an appointment with said doctor, and find a ride to & from. Needless to say, the past week and a half has been nothing short of one of God's tests of my strengths and abilities. He is placing a lot of trust in me right now, trust that I'm not sure I deserve, but man am I blessed to have been granted it. Although it will definitely take a toll on my strength and my sanity, I have a feeling that this obstacle is going to teach me something. I'm just not sure what it is yet.

With all of that being said, it's safe to say that this semester is going to be crazy hectic, and I need a place to let loose, share my words, and spread my faith. Maybe you'll read this. Maybe you won't. But just know that while you're struggling with anything and everything, you're not alone. Need a prayer request? Hit me up. I'm always looking for a reason to talk to Jesus!