"But Mom, I don't wanna go home, I wanna live at the Honey forever."

Unfortunately, this is not reality. After already being thrown back into the real world after less than 24 hours, I've already begun to notice how important OLSP is to me. And because I can't fit how much I love it into one silly photo caption, I'll share it in one silly blog post instead. (And eventually I'll share something more eloquently-written after I've gotten more than 5 hours of sleep and haven't spent 14 hours in a car). 

Project was amazing. And as cheesy as it sounds, we are a family. I already miss having to constantly feel like I need to scold the boys for doing dumb things, or coming and crying to Shay or Erin about whatever my problem of the day has been, or persistently asking David & Mikayla what's for dinner. I miss seeing obvious growth in people. I miss community. I miss the stupid strip and all of its stupid traffic. I miss the yellow umbrellas. I miss everything that is project. But I rejoice so wholeheartedly in the fact that this is where the Lord placed 31 college students from all over the country to serve Him, to share the gospel, to live intentionally, and to learn not only from Him but from each other. Just because I didn't cry upon leaving the beloved Honeysuckle Inn doesn't mean I care any less. I just honestly think that I've already used up my allotted tears for the summer. As heartbreaking as it is to officially be gone and back in good old San Marcos, it's a whole new chapter that I'm ready to take on with Holy Spirit as my guide. Long live the summer of snaps, the DTR table, and the Wolf Pack. 

6 Things for Singles to Remember

Collection of my thoughts, ideas, and opinions on relationships and singleness with some spiritual application. Drawn from several sermons, books, and wisdom of the older women who have poured into my life. Enjoy. Xx. 

-If you are not happy single, you probably won't be happy married either. 

"But the holy spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control." Galatians 5:22-23

Your spouse is not your savior. Nowhere in the bible does it state that we we will find joy or any other fruits from an earthly being. Our joy comes from the Lord, and is not found in a man or a woman, but rather shared between a man and a woman. 

-Focus on becoming the one rather than finding the one.

"I want your to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please Him, but a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities, and how to please his wife. His interests are divided." 1 Corinthians 7:32-34

The quickest way to find The One is to become The One. Allow Jesus to mold you into the future husband/wife that you are meant to be. When you're single, you have freedom. Instead of checking with your spouse to make sure that it is okay to go and do something, you are given the freedom to go where you want to go without the need of serving them first. When you are single, God is truly number one in your life, and that vision is not blinded by another earthly being.

-God has no trouble putting two people together.

"Those who obey him will not be punished. Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything, even when a person is in trouble." Ecclesiastes 8:6-7

Trust God with the timing of things. There are many good reasons for being where you are in life. You don't know why, but the King certainly does. Trust Him with the timing, and don't settle in the meantime for less than His best for you.

-Who you hang out with (and where you hang out) is a good sign of who you'll end up with.

"For bad company corrupts good character. Think carefully about what is right and stop sinning. For to your shame I say that some of you don't know God at all." 1 Corinthians 15:33-34

You become like the people you hang out with. Chances are that if you become like them, you will end up with them. How do you intend to find a Godly man to lead you in your walk with Christ if you're not hanging around with them? Say what you will, but a great place to meet your future spouse is a place where people that you'd like your future spouse to be like exist (i.e. church, small groups, bible studies, etc.)

-If you are a believer, you should only date believers. 

"Don't team up with unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14

Plain and simple, the Lord calls us to be equally yoked in our relationships, and as seen in the previous point, bad company brings about poor morals. Don't go into a relationship thinking that you will change someone. The last thing that you want to do is "flirt to convert". Think about the way you would feel if someone came into your life and tell you that you were doing everything wrong? Being in a relationship is meant to be a time for growth of two individuals, not change.

-Purity is priceless.

"Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God's people." Ephesians 5:2-3

Sex is fun, or so I've been told, and guess what? It was created by God. Therefore, it was not something that He is trying to keep from you or tease you with, but it is also not something that he gave to us to play around with. Sex is life fire. If you keep it in the fireplace, where it belongs, it is put to use and serves its purpose, but the minute that fire escapes from the fireplace, it will burn down the entire house. Sex is not wrong, as long as it is used in the context of which the Lord created it: in marriage. He is only protecting us from getting burned.

Keeping these things in mind, the struggle of singleness should be put at some slight ease, but never forget that who you are is not defined by your relationship status.

I Went on Summer Project and All I Got Was This Lousy Blog Post

Just kidding. Duh. Here's a life update in photographic form for those of you who aren't constantly stalking my Facebook/Instagram/Twitter updates (and shame on you for that). 

It all started with a Jesus Calling devotional...

Followed by a trip to the outlook at College of the Ozarks for worship. 

Where I got to meet (part of) my sweet growth team. 

Then, somehow, we misplaced out staff members, and had to go find them at the Branson Landing. 

There was a bowling night where we all donned our best thrift shop attire that would even make Macklemore proud. 

There was a small group date to a mini-golf course. 

And a six-mile hike that ended with a rewarding swim in the Buffalo River. 

Gorgeous sunsets are abundant here; photos do no justice. 

Best 4th of July. Ever. 

A trip to Silver Dollar City to unwind. 

And the time to say farewell to our amazing staff came way too soon. They've taught us much, and have left the project in the hands of 31 very capable college students, as well as the Lord. 

I wholeheartedly believe that none of us are here by accident. God doesn't make mistakes. Our purpose and our intent has been made clear to us, and we are living it out. Thank you all so much for being some of the greatest people the Lord has ever placed in my life. 

"You did not choose me, but I chose you, and appointed you so that you would bear fruit--fruit that will last--and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give to you." John 15:16

The Head & the Heart (but not the band)

Friends. Romans. Countrymen. Lend me your ear. Or in this case, your eye(s). So I've been in Branson, MO for six weeks (!!!) now, and the Lord is working in sweet sweet ways. I've been struggling a lot with doubt. In myself, in the Lord, and wondering whether or not I'm enough. You're probably asking yourself, "So, why exactly is this sweet to you?" Trust me, if I'd heard that a year ago, I would've questioned myself too.

In this past year, I've been forced to make choices. Choices that I initially did not want to make, but thankfully my fear of not pleasing people was finally overtaken by my fear of not pleasing Jesus. Biblically speaking, I'd made the right decision. 

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ."

Galatians 1:10

In the spring, I struggled with deciding what I was going to do with my summer. After finally deciding to apply to OLSP, I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally, it was the week before spring break, and I'd given up. I wasn't doing too hot in my history class, I was struggling with mid-semester slump, and was just generally upset. The day that I had an emotional breakdown  was the day that I received a call from one of our project directors asking if I wanted to join them for the summer. Literally in between crying sessions, I mustered up enough energy to say yes.

It's been the best decision that I've made in a long time.

A few weeks ago, we went on our women's re(treat yoself!), and we got to hear a few different talks from a sweet lady named Carolyn, who has been on staff with Cru for over 30 years. She was such an encouragement to myself, as I'm sure she was to many of the other women there that weekend. For so long, many of us have thought of marriage as the ultimate goal. I know that I have. I've struggled with idolizing relationships, planning my marriage before even having a serious boyfriend, and just generally falling for guys way too hard and way too fast. Carolyn shared with us her struggle of being single for long after her friends began getting engaged and married, and eventually didn't end up marrying until she was 51 years old. In the midst of all of that, she remained obedient to God, and answered His call to continue ministering with Cru. We went through a fantastic study in Ephesians about how life is all about the choices that we make. It seems like a simple enough concept, right? 

Wrong.

I was reminded of how easy it is to get side-tracked in our walk with the Lord, and how the Bible gives very clear directions on how to live a Christian life, and to not walk in the flesh of humanity, but in the Holy Spirit.

"That however, is not that way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in Him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be life God in true righteousness and holiness."

Ephesians 4:20-24

I am a completely different person than I was a year ago, six months ago, or even six weeks ago. I've learned a lot about myself, and how important it is to be transparent. There's a word that I hear a lot, but practice. Transparency should consist of real Marissa. Not this front that I believe that everyone wants to see. Talking too much, laughing way too loudly, and trying endlessly to be funny only carries me so far before actual pain starts to take over. I've allowed a lot of people (30 others, to be exact) into my life in a very short amount of time. It hasn't been easy. I've often seen tears and emotions as signs of vulnerability, and no one likes to see a strong girl cry. 

I now understand that the head and the heart coexist. Oftentimes, my heart has told me to let it all out, but my head has told me otherwise, but I've learned better. My head has a point, but you cannot base decisions on emotions alone. Make choices. Take God's hand. Don't justify your behavior when you know that it isn't pleasing to the Lord. Don't make excuses. Follow His plan, and His word, and you will live a life in the spirit, and will soon forget all about walking in the flesh. 

And when you're feeling bitter and alone? (Exhibit A: myself) Find comfort in the fact that God does not waste pain. 

"Would I ever bring this nation to the point of birth and then not deliver it?" asks the Lord. "No! I would never keep the nation from being born!" says the Lord, your God.

Isaiah 66:9

Check your silver linings every once in awhile, for "the Lord is good to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit". (Psalm 34:18) Remember how good and strong your heart is, but don't forget about your head knowledge.

I realize that this post is a little out in left field, unorganized, and all over the place, but hey. Then again, so is my life. What God is teaching me in Branson, MO of all places in the whole entire world IS AMAZINGLY SUPER AWESOME AND GREAT, and one day, I'd love to sit with your for 5 hours and tell you about it, but unfortunately, this blog is all you have (for now), so if I leave you with any encouragement, let it be this:

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:3-5

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him. Psalm 34:8

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Spring, sprang, sprung.

Scientifically speaking, spring is the season of love. There are birds chirping, bees buzzing, flowers blooming, proposal after proposal is occurring, and dopamine levels are high. We become love junkies; I can attest to this. (May has always seemed to be a particularly boy-crazed month for me). So how is one supposed to deal with all of this mushy-gushy love stuff when they feel so stranded and alone?

I've felt many emotions in regard to singleness over the past several years, from being a young teenager to now venturing into my 20's: anger, bitterness, loneliness, frustration, impatience, you name it.  I have been strictly and completely single for all 20 years of my life. I've never been on a date, and I have never been pursued (not that has been clearly stated to me anyway). But over the past year, what I've most felt towards singleness has been a deep contentment. I've experienced that kind of contentment that I can’t produce or manifest on my own. True contentment. No meltdowns, even finding nothing but pure joy in others' blessings. A deep sense of truly knowing and believing that God knows what He is doing. What’s changed? In a nutshell: what I've focused on has changed. My heart has changed infinitely in the past year. I am growing. I am sinning. I am failing forward. I am made new in Him, and am completely redeemed.

We must trust that God is in control of our lives. He has not forgotten about us. He is a Father that knows what is best in our lives. Our identity is not found in marital status or a relationship status, but rather our identity is found in Christ.

I am heartbroken to see my sisters finding their identity in their singleness. The Lord did not create you to be a woman in mourning of her own love life. In fact, Psalms clearly states for us how precious each of us are to Him.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,    I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

As Christians, our desire should be to walk closer to the Lord, but in our trying to achieve this, sometimes we find ourselves looking only at the sin in our lives. The lustful desires that we've found ourselves falling into, harboring hatred and jealousy towards our sisters and allowing ourselves to no longer guard our hearts.

If there is anything that I've learned this past year, specifically in the last four months or so, it has been to strictly view my brothers as brothers. I have too often met wonderful charming men of Christ in my past, and found my mind going straight to the last question that I should have been asking myself: "Hmmm, I wonder if he is single?". Ladies, the reality of it is this: be friends with men. Build bonds and relationships. Learn from your brothers. Christ did not design us to strictly confine our relationships with our sisters. But be safe in doing so. Easier said than done, don't allow lines to be blurred. Take precautions:

• Know your boundaries. Unless it's on a date, and both of you know that you're on a date, it's probably not best to be hanging out one-on-one. 
• Refrain from intimate contact. The last thing that you want on your mind is wondering what exactly that slight brush of his hand against yours meant. I should know, I've been there countless times. (And a heads-up: it's probably nothing)
• Don't overthink your interaction with them. Take everything with a grain of salt. If a man is seeking to pursue you, and is doing so in the way that God intended him to, you will know.
• Seek solace in your sisters. Not only am I a huge fan of alliteration, I'm a huge fan of strengthening bonds with the same sex. There are many hard-wiring differences between men & women. God created us uniquely, but both in His image. But let's be honest, you're not going to what to seek prayer & consultation about a man in your life who is becoming a stumbling block from some dude. Your sisters are here for a reason, and all of them, single and committed, are there to help you through those tough times.
• *Edit: So you like a guy, but he's not pursuing you. If your feelings for him are consuming your thoughts and hindering your actions, you need to take steps in alleviating the situation. It is important to be vulnerable and transparent with people. If you don't sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel, your mind is going to be continually flooded with thoughts of him and "what it could be". (Again, I only say this because I've been there.) Be honest with him. If you feel as though he's treating you differently than other girls, you need to let him know that that is not okay, and that you need his help in keeping your heart guarded until the right man comes along.

So my encouragement to you, singles, is to take your eyes off of yourself and focus on Christ. Instead of allowing myself to be defined a single, I've learned to define myself as a woman whom the Lord has blessed in being free of a relationship as a gift of more time to grow in Him. As I've done that, I truly find myself more content and able to enjoy other’s blessings. Heck, I'm even excited for some of them. I’m not drowning in my own sorrows and I’m able to see needs of others and want to serve. I’m freed up from feeling defined by the reality that the only hardware on my left finger is a promise ring.

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

I faced 2012 with a heart unwilling to love and with ears unwilling to hear what I was being told. Six months of struggle was more than I could handle before I decided that I was done. I fought for myself and no one else, but I still kept in mind the grace of God. I figured that as long as I was obedient, misery would finally step aside in my life. I went to church, I volunteered with a youth group, I went to summer school, I got good grades, I babysat, I called my parents on a regular basis, I ate well, I worked out, and I did the exact opposite of what most college students do during the summer: I sat at home, sober on my Friday/Saturday nights, reading my plethora of John Green books and watching all ten seasons of Friends (a minor feat in itself). Behaving should have paid off soon enough, right?

Wrong.

See, that's not how God works. I'm quickly learning that I'm not in a payback kind of relationship with Him. None of us are at a place where we can try to wheel and deal with God, place bets, and do what we think is right because we think that we'll get something out of it. Because I did it all, and all I got out of it was a miserable summer with no fun, and no friends. I'd like to tell you that it was worth it all, and that everything magically turned around when school started, but then I'd be lying to you. It sucked. Granted, somewhere along the line, the Lord offered me a change of heart, and I made a decision that I had never seen in my future, but it turned out to be the best decision I made all year.

I had plans. I was going to continue life the way I had my freshman year, loving Jesus, seeking a social life, and hanging out with other people who felt the same way, but when the Shift occurred, the steps that I was taking to get to my ultimate destination became a lot more achievable. I was no longer jumping through hoops to please people, nor was I in a waging war with my God (seriously... what on Earth was I thinking?), but I was in a healthy relationship with Him and even people around me (yes, friends! I'd finally made those darn friends that I'd been seeking for so long).

Like most of these stories, it doesn't end there. I was pushed even further to break out beyond my "Christian bubble" (something that I've still yet to do), and live missionally with those who may or may not be believers in the Lord. Wait. What? I'm supposed to leave my comfortable environment where I'm surrounded by people who encourage me to read my Bible, and pray, and to continue my walk with the Lord? What do you mean that I'm supposed to leave this world of safety and security?

Oh yeah. It means that I'm supposed to go and follow the rules that Jesus wrote for us a really long time ago.

"Go, therefore and make disciples of all nations." Matthew 28:19

Here I am, God. Send me out. Teach me to live in a world of discomfort, and ultimately seek You in all that I do. I have my plans, Lord. Determine my steps. Take me there.

Oh hey there 2013.

Welp. Two months into the new year, I figure it's time for a new post. Especially considering that I started this blog exactly one year (!!!!!) ago yesterday. For starters, I've given myself a few projects for the year, including, but not limited to:

• One photo per day, for the general public/social media community. This year, I resolved to be a more consistent person (in a number of things), as well as resolving to seek out change and growth (as per usual).
• Reading my Bible more (duh).
• Studying doctrine of the Christian faith, which kind of ties in with reading the Good Book some more. Okay, not kind of. It has everything to do with it. This was also not an idea of my own brain, but of the wonderful brain of Kelsey Kite Nelson, whom I absolutely adore. Most of this is to reach my personal goal of being able to intelligently and diligently defend my faith and my belief system with something other than "Uhm, you know, Jesus is like, pretty cool and stuff". Which duh. I think that He is, but not everybody feels that way.
• Continue to grow on a daily basis and fail forward (one of my new favorite phrases). Make mistakes and learn from them. Do the wrong thing. Remember how bountiful God's grace is and how sufficient His love is, and don't deny yourself of that.

Reflecting on where I was a year ago (trying to be positive, but having that ugly, deep-down, 7th grade poetry-writing feeling in my stomach) and thinking of where I am now (happier than I have ever been), I've learned the importance of seasons. Not just like spring, summer, fall, and winter, because God knows that those don't exist in Texas, but personal seasons of experience. As miserable as I was at that point in my life, I wouldn't go back and change it for anything in the world, because a series of very fortunate events (see what I did there?) lead me to where I am today: serving the Lord with fear, trembling, and the strongest desire to change; leading in ways that I never thought would be possible; planning the next few years of my life with some kind of certainty; and legitimately enjoying everyday that passes. I hate to be cheesy and cliche, but a lot of it is thanks to these lovely people right here:

My best friends and future roommates. They hold me accountable, tell me to shut up when necessary, and love me so unconditionally. Whenever I feel like God's plan for me is going the wrong way, they keep me centered.

These ridiculous fellas right here are another huge part of my support system. The big brothers that I never had (or wanted for that matter) who drive me absolutely insane on a regular basis, but who I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

This general group of individuals have my entire heart and nothing less. It is within Cru that I've discovered my self-worth, my gifts, and how to love at all times. Living on a mission with them has been such an experience that I can't wait to continue growing in.

I realize that these posts may seem redundant.

But that's only because they are.

But a few more major points in my life:

• I was asked to be the godmother of my best friend's child. I have laughed and cried with her for the past five years, and she is the most consistent person that I've ever had in my life, and I can't wait to be a figure in this child's life.
• I know that I'm in the right major. My heart for serving the public school system and showing Christ's love to kids is a gift that I'll never take for granted.
• My GPA is no longer significantly lower than your average gas prices.
• My roommates and I are house searching... and hopefully will be signing. Soon!

I could honestly go on and on about how abundant God's love and grace are in my life, but your eyes would probably bleed, so you might as well ask me in person. I love to talk. But you should know that.

Pray on, ladies & gents.